Asexual Slump or Marvelous Desire? Day 39
Author: Andrew Comiskey
November 21, 2020
‘To begin with: for Thomas
Aquinas it is plainly self-evident--indeed so self-evident that it need hardly
be mentioned even to those but moderately instructed--the sexual powers are not
a “necessary evil” but really a good. With Aristotle, he says incisively that
there is something divine in human seed. It is equally self-evident to Thomas’
thinking that, “like eating and drinking,” the fulfillment of the natural
sexual urge and its accompanying sexual pleasure are good and not in the least
sinful assuming, of course, that order and moderation are preserved.
For the
intrinsic purpose of sexual power, namely, that not only now but also in
days to come the children of man may dwell upon the earth and in the Kingdom of
God,
is not merely a good, but, as Thomas says, “a surpassing good.” Indeed,
complete asensuality, unfeelingly adverse to all sexual pleasure, which
some would like to regard as “properly” perfect and ideal according to Christian
doctrine, is described in the Summa Theologica not only as an imperfection but
as a moral defect.’ (The Four Cardinal Virtues, Josef Pieper, p.
154)
To direct well the stream
of our sexuality, we need first to accept and be grateful to God for it. That means
integrating bodily desire.
The capacity for arousal and the awareness that
certain persons prompt that response should not demonize us. We need to ask
Jesus to help us to embrace both. The marvel of the body’s longing for
feminine beauty and masculine strength is intrinsic and vital; it awakens
something essential to sexual difference--softening a woman, enlivening a man.
Desire can light us from within and set aglow our humanity.
The virtues--temperance
and her little sister chastity, especially--help us here. Taking Aquinas’ lead
that our sexual powers are good before they aren’t, we can realize that
God
made us sexual for the purpose of motivating us to step outside our spiritual
‘cells’, take a look, and cultivate relationships with people who appeal to us.
God wants us to be fruitful, and probably have babies. And if that does not
work out, at least we exercised the gift we are. We did not agree with the
world, flesh, and devil that our gift is defective, our stream a deceiver. We
stewarded our gift pretty well and can rejoice in the marvel of what it means
to be made in His image. We know ourselves insofar as we have submitted
ourselves in awe of Jesus to this ‘other’, as best we could.
Training in temperance helps
direct these waters constructively, come what may. We learn we can experience
desire without being consumed by it.
Desire invites us to strike up
friendship and to test the waters of deeper communion. As we saw in TOB, we
are created for communion, not mere attraction. Engaging with desired ones
helps us to sort out what is precious from what is impoverished in others, and
in ourselves. We often see that we may be driven by vanity or by a childish
longing to make someone something he or she can never be for us.
Yes, we may still lust.
But thank Jesus, we can discern what is going on and take a step back before
embarrassing ourselves.
We learn to laugh at our foolishness and refuse to
be pushed back by the real deceiver. Through Jesus, we shall keep rediscovering
our lost fullness--what it means to be a gift that by His ‘yes’ to us keeps
giving its goodness!
One thing people with
same-sex desires must learn from which everyone can benefit: how to read our
desires. Obviously, same-gender
attraction, if heeded blindly, is the deadest of dead ends. No babies. But what
a vista we discover when we discern what is happening in the disturbing
awareness that one is attracted to a roommate, a colleague, a boss, or a
pastor!
We ask Jesus to show us
our hearts--the emotional need for connection or confirmation; we realize that
we are lonely and not growing properly in our normal need for same-sex
friendship. We may also realize that
porn use has so polluted our vision that we cannot see persons properly. We cry
out for power to refuse what is poisoning our potential for such friendship,
and humility to seek the help we need to do so. We might ask, ‘what does this
one possess that I wish I had and fear I do not?’
Engage with the One who
knows and loves us most; He will help us not abdicate our goodness for others’
idealized attributes. Rejoice--we are learning to steward our streams in the
light of love!
Yes, we are vulnerable.
And so
we bravely forego the lie that sexual desire is a ‘moral defect’; we proceed
with courage to discover the gift we are and the gift we can welcome from
others. Jesus helps anchor us in our gift with every flurry of feeling, every step of the way.
‘Jesus, You are beautiful
in how You help us to steward our sexuality well. You free us from unnecessary
shame and free us for the prudence necessary to make wise decisions based on
Reality. As You walk with us, You teach us to integrate our desires and to offer
ourselves well.’
‘Jesus, thank You that we
are first and foremost citizens of Your Kingdom. Your saving purposes, the
plans of Your heart, endure forever (Ps. 33:11). Patriotism and its partisan
interests must bow before “Your will be done.” “The eyes of the Lord are on
those who fear Him, who trust in His unfailing love” (Ps. 33:18).’
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