Does the Church Kill ‘Gay’ People?
Author: Andrew Comiskey
September 25, 2023
Part 3: Integration
This is the second blog of our three-part series. If you haven’t already, please read parts 1 and 2.
‘Though our feelings come and
go, His love for us does not.’- C.S. Lewis
Simon Kent Fung surmises in
his podcast Dear Alana that Alana Chen killed herself due to the fear,
self-hatred, and shame she experienced over her same-sex desires. Further, he
assumes Church teaching and praxis widened this divide between her sexual
struggles and spiritual aspirations.
Alana’s disintegration is
apparent. Perhaps this resulted from a crippling scrupulosity, more than the normal
moral tensions most of us experience. I surmise that Alana’s greatest challenge
wasn’t same-sex desires or an unloving Church but an irrational moral perfectionism
(i.e., scrupulosity).
Throughout the podcast, Alana
seems to combat the temptation to control anxiety by holding things together; she
coped with early childhood fears through over functioning, the relentless drive
for perfection. Efforts at fixing others and herself failed. She couldn’t do
it. Neither Jesus, nor Church, nor her surrounding faith community asked this
of her. Our common enemy, employing scrupulosity, demanded otherwise.
Scrupulosity is a psychological
struggle born of temperament and early family experiences. It isn’t related to a
particular moral struggle. Yet it fuels the greatest temptation to self-harm by
turning one against herself in areas of greatest need. Scrupulosity kills; the
devil delights in it.
Our main task at DSM/LW is to
help people dealing with a range of disordered desires to welcome Jesus’ love
for them, not despite their struggles, but in them, right there, ground zero. Our
weakness becomes a magnet for His superabounding love for us. Instead of
attracting accusation, temptation invites affirmation: the love of Father
through the Son in the sustaining power of the Holy Spirit. We are the
Beloved’s, He is ours. Our imperfections remind us of this, and prompt Him who
comes running to close the gap, over and over.
We overcome scrupulosity by
foregoing our haggard efforts ‘to be good.’ Rather, we entrust ourselves to the
One who is only good and active in proving His claim that Divine Mercy is deeper
than our divides. His love bridges the gap and unites us, integrates us, makes
us whole.
Of course, we may, like
Alana, hear familiar voices and feel persistent emotions to the contrary. Scrupulosity
demands community that reminds us over and over of who we are, what our
disordered desires mean, and how to offer ourselves responsibly and healthfully
to each other. We work out our human conflicts in community united in the One. That
is my freedom. That is Living Waters.
We rout scrupulosity by
integrating our dishonorable parts (1 Cor. 12:22). Like St. Paul, we secure strength
in weakness (2 Cor. 12) and discover the depth of Mercy in what could be
miserable self-concern. In that ‘little place of absolute poverty’ glimmers
‘the pure glory of God’ (Thomas Merton).
For the saving of many lives,
we identify and renounce scrupulosity, while continuing to name disordered
desires for what they are. In turn, we invite Mercy together as we seek further
integration through Christian community.
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