Authentic Love
Author: Andrew Comiskey
June 01, 2023
Ann meant well but her eyes,
filling slowly with tears, belied her. She responded confidently at first to my
question as to why she was flying to Portland, OR: housesitting for her daughter
Jill, whom she loved much. She pointed out her rainbow bracelet as a sign of
solidarity with Jill and her LGBTQ+ community there.
Ann tried hard to convince
me that daughter and mother were just fine.
We laughed about how hard
it is to raise kids and the folly of guilt in retracing the past—could’ve,
would’ve, should’ve, etc. “I barely get it…Jill was a girly girl but her smart
and strong personality seemed too much for the guys around her. She went off to
grad school near Portland and stayed. She ‘came out’ with a girlfriend, then a
few months ago she asked me to call her ‘they’ and ‘them.’ Just last week she brought up trans-stuff, thoughts
she had about changing her body…”
Ann trailed off and wiped
a tear. I suggested that she as a mother has some investment in her daughter
remaining one. ‘You and your husband were fruitful and it’s not wrong to want
that for your kids.’
Though she had strayed
from her faith, Ann was open to the truth that actions of love and support for
our kids should align with truth: who they are. If our bodies point to an
optimal direction for our identities and relationships, then ‘gay’ and ‘non-binary’
and ‘trans’ identifications represent stalling, an obstacle to becoming mature expressions
of man and womanhood in the world today. Authentic love must line up with the
truth.
Ann could accept that.
‘But Jill’s a grown woman! What is the point of disagreeing with her? These are
her choices. I don’t want to risk losing relationship with her.’
‘The truest form of love
is to stay present to those whose decisions break you,’ I offered, then invited Ann
to let Jill break her heart rather than tempt her to twist truth. ‘Maybe you
can best love her out of an afflicted heart.’
I urged her to consider
Jesus whose affliction released a flood of Mercy still transforming lives
today. ‘Maybe your affliction can become
a source of Life for Jill.’ Ann asked what church I serve in Portland. ‘See you
Sunday,’ she said. I hope so. Only Jesus transforms affliction into authentic
love for those we love most.
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