Freedom from Shame, Freedom for my True Identity

Author: Desert Stream
April 02, 2014

I came to know this ministry in 2000 when I attended Andy Comiskey’s first seminar in Thailand called “A Pure Life by the Power of the Cross.” The real life testimonies and teachings from various speakers affected me greatly. It was my first time to hear people speak so openly about their sexual struggles.

I was profoundly touched when I heard that Christ had the power to heal and set people free from an area most Thai people regards as a shameful thing. The message of Christ, the Restorer of our sexual and relational problems, filled me with much needed hope at the time.

In 2002, God touched and healed me throughout the week long training held in San Juan Capistrano. The program was well integrated and balanced that included a time of worship, teachings, prayers in the small group and a safe environment. These right ingredients helped me to receive deeply from God. I wept and wept most of the time. A lot of my pain, sadness, depression, shame and fear from my past were released. I went home feeling like a different person.

As a Chinese descent born in Thailand, I used to struggle with my identity. I had difficulty in identifying myself either as a Thai or a Chinese. I remember my real sense of freedom and pride for the first time as I walked through the sign “For Thai” at the immigration section on my trip back from the States. Indeed, God has healed me of my true identity.

Recently, I realize that I no longer have the recurring dream I had in the past. I often dreamed that I was half naked or wearing torn clothes in public. I tried so hard to run away from people or hide myself. In the dream, I experienced real shame. The dream revealed my deep shame and fear due to childhood abuse.

I came from a broken family. At the age of five, I was raped by a neighboring teenage boy. The distressing event plus my childhood deprivation changed the way I viewed myself, others (especially men) and God. I lived my adolescent days in powerful fantasy and masturbation. These brought me further shame and guilt.

My struggle did not go away even when I became a Christian thirty-three years ago. In fact, I felt so guilty and condemned and this affected my relationship with God. I used to think that I was sexually abnormal.

Christ has healed me from my wounded past through a series of Living Waters Programs which I attended both as a participant and a team member. There I was able to come to the Father of mercies and receive His help in the area I needed Him the most – my sexuality. I have experienced the power of Christ’s resurrection. He set me free from shame and fear of rejection from people because of my weaknesses.

Not only is my sexuality healed; so is my relationship with God– the Source of my true identity.

BACK