Day 40: Mature Freedom of the Gift
Author: Andrew Comiskey
November 21, 2021
Editor’s Note: TOB is the
abbreviation for Pope St. John Paul II’s book “Man and Woman He Created Them: A Theology
of the Body” Pauline Press
‘One of the good things
that comes of a true marriage is: there is one face on which changes come
without your seeing them; or rather, there is one face you can still see the
same through all the shadows which years have gathered on it.’
George McDonald
Annette’s sinus infection
kept us up most of the night. Three strong-willed grandkids awaited us the next
morn, so I prayed as she coughed. Around 2AM, her distress eased; she turned
toward me and slept.
A sliver of light caught
her face and I saw at once a little girl framed on my desk, the bride subdued
yet beaming, a Jesus’ worshipper raising her voice and spirit heavenward, the
(grand)mother weary in well-doing, finally at rest.
Freedom matures (TOB 86:8) as
we submit our gift to one another out of reverence for God and mutual respect.
Love has made her ‘I’ mine, ‘me’, hers. Sharp-edged distinctions provoke us
still but reinforce the fusion beneath the noisy surface.
The face I loved ‘to the
point of no longer being able to draw my heart away from her’ (Tobit 6:19) is still
the one I want. Unlike the sexy idols I had worshipped, Annette’s whole person
drew me into communion. I am grateful for desire emanating from respect, in
contrast to attraction that burns to ash (TOB 32:1). Agape trained our emotional
and sensual needs to serve a person, not an image (TOB 113:5). The Author of
selfless love has guided us well over our 42 years together.
We can see in each other’s
lined visages hope and loss culled from decades of Kingdom service. God made
marriage to supra-abound, to overflow its embankment like water—a nourishing drink
aimed at a host of children, parched and wandering. Add the truth that this
bickering couple reveals something of Jesus’ love for the Church—we point beyond
ourselves to THE wedding feast. Annette and I blaze a trail for others’
pilgrimage to divine union. We contribute to His saving love for the world.
Wow. Who knew when we promised ‘I do’?
Freedom of the gift:
Jesus’ gift of love that we somehow embody in our ‘yes’ to each other. My
freedom hinges on offering her my best, over and over, in ardor and in grateful
obedience.
TOB sparks mature freedom:
the freedom to own residual lust while remaining free from lust’s domination
(TOB 107:3-5). To naysayers who claim one cannot live free from the grip of same-sex
attraction or any profound disordered desire, Pope St. John Paul II invokes Jesus who calls us
all back ‘to the beginning,’ and blazes our way there!
For me, that means freedom
to embrace Annette’s whole person--to love attentively the way she images
feminine genius. That means showing love in an array of ‘affective
manifestations’; self-mastery liberates a man to initiate physical love and to
savor exquisite facets of her womanhood without sex (TOB 129-131).
Freedom of the marital
gift means we recognize its temporal nature. We outlive our usefulness as
marrieds and proceed onto consummation with Jesus. We are not married in heaven
(Matt. 22:30); I will still relish Annette as we feast on Jesus together.
Marriage trains us well.
It provides the furnace (ongoing refinement) and the flood (grace of
redemption) that matures ‘the freedom of the gift’ as we prep for eternity (TOB
101:10, 11).
‘Jesus, rouse the gift we are.
Help us to attend to the treasure you summon from the trash. Free us from our
constant faultfinding and free us for vestiges of paradise in our memories and
in our lives today. We refuse the liar who tries to rewrite Eden out of our
histories. Unite us to the home of our original dignity.’
‘Jesus, have mercy on us as
Your Church. We have abused weaker members, including children, and protected
ourselves. We have violated the most vulnerable. In Your mercy, free us to
superabound with justice. Grant us Kingdom discernment and courage to reform
ourselves. May our repentance grant us Kingdom authority to strengthen the
weak, discipline violators, and restore the violated.’
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