Day 39: Freedom for the Next World
Author: Marco Casanova
November 20, 2021
By Marco Casanova
DSM Assistant Director
Editor’s Note:
TOB is the abbreviation for Pope St. John Paul II’s book “Man and Woman He
Created Them: A Theology
of the Body” Pauline Press
I know a nun whose love of Jesus amazes me. Spirit-filled
and made for mission, this sister lives radically in communion with Jesus.
She’s concerned about His business. Her celibate offering in the Dominican
Republic bore many spiritual children. She mothered people to Jesus.
I worked with her for a bit and her Kingdom advance wore me
out. Early to rise and late to bed, her days teemed with Jesus and His people. This
wasn’t just a ‘mission trip’ for her. This was her life. I went home. She was
home.
She could choose celibacy because she’s faithful, capable
and free. Her commitment was conclusive. She’s no bachelorette. She’s espoused
to Jesus now and a mother for the Kingdom.
I hope I don’t have the gift of celibacy. Not because its
unlovely to me--I just want marriage and believe that I will summon a woman
someday. Jesus has been stoking my
virility! The thought of my home alive with a bride and little Marquitos
excites me. We’ll see!
Choosing celibacy for the Kingdom says something conclusive
about marriage. The celibate believes that God has summoned him/her to full
throttle identification with Him, for His Kingdom (TOB 77:2). But first the
pre-celibate must face the good of marriage and renounce its good from a
profoundly personal place (TOB 77:3). Celibacy is not a dodge based on
disinterest in the ‘other’, for whatever reason! You can’t renounce what you
don’t possess. Lack of mature and integrated ‘fascination’ is a disqualification
for celibacy, not a motivation (TOB 117b:4-5). Bypassing is not renunciation.
As a boy, I felt drawn to give my life to Jesus. I loved the
priesthood and was drawn by the saints. I knew the stories of John Vianney, Padre
Pio, and John Paul II like the back of my hand. These priests did something
great for the Kingdom and I desired the same.
My adolescent zeal needed maturing. Honest discernment eventually revealed that I wasn’t free to choose celibacy. Settle in spiritual fatherhood?
I couldn’t! Due to high octane, hidden same-sex attraction, I felt ‘disqualified’
from biological fatherhood. I couldn’t renounce what I never possessed.
Jesus summoned my virility. He sought to grow me as the man
I’m becoming. I said ‘yes’ to His Kingdom in a way that is distinct, but no
less, than the priesthood.
I love celibacy more than ever. As there’s no marriage in
heaven (Mt 22:30), a whole celibate blazes like fire for the divine union that
awaits us in heaven. My sister friend points to a life beyond this world. And He
frees her for Himself, and His Kingdom purposes now. Unfettered and heaven
bound! Her witness shines holy light on my longing for marriage this side of
heaven.
‘Jesus, rouse the gift we are.
Help us to attend to the treasure you summon from the trash. Free us from our
constant faultfinding and free us for vestiges of paradise in our memories and
in our lives today. We refuse the liar who tries to rewrite Eden out of our
histories. Unite us to the home of our original dignity.’
‘Jesus, have mercy on us as
Your Church. We have abused weaker members, including children, and protected
ourselves. We have violated the most vulnerable. In Your mercy, free us to
superabound with justice. Grant us Kingdom discernment and courage to reform
ourselves. May our repentance grant us Kingdom authority to strengthen the
weak, discipline violators, and restore the violated.’
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